I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
