the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
