I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
