dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize