You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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