She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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