You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
