I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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