Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
