I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
