I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
