My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
