I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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