I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
