I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
