So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
