I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
