i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
