we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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