guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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