he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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