my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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