Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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