my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
