We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
