Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
