i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
