he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
