I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
