Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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