So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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