I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
