Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
