they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
