like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
