??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
