I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry about my life...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
