I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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