Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize