I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
