I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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