he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize