Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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