hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize