is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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