if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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