awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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