So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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