he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
