Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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