One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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