by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He passed out mid-signature
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
