arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
false alarm. still invincible.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
