you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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