Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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