I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
