we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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