Pappa wants mamma naked
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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