I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
