arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize