I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I am morally bankrupt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
