Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
