Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
