i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
